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you must start dating your cat

You may think you don’t have a date today. You may be wrong. If you have a cat you may be – unbeknownst to you – be dating him or her.

Here are 11 signs you might be dating your cat. Feel free to substitute “he” for “she.”
  1. He leaves the bed in the middle of the night to sleep elsewhere and you get upset.
  2. You reply to his meows by saying, “yes, dear, I know it’s chilly in here,” or, “I know, I do wish the neighbors would keep it down.”
  3. Your date looks at you when the center of his plate is empty because he thinks all the food is gone.
  4. Friends think you’re describing a 2-legged fur-less man but you’re actually talking about your cat.
  5. You start resenting always having to be the outside spoon.
  6. His accessories are more expensive than yours.
  7. You wish he would make tea when you’re sick or pick up your prescriptions at the pharmacy.
  8. You take it personally when he won’t come to bed at night.
  9. When you see him on someone elses lap you feel a pang of jealousy.
  10. You think about him constantly when you’re apart.
  11. You wonder what he’d get you for your birthday – if he had currency and thumbs.